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You cannot understand how sick and tired I am of reading all these "I've been diagnosed 3 years ago and since then my live was a hell" type of posts online every time I search for some medical information related to HSV. All those people posting things like "it is your ethical responsibility to tell...!" or "if you were exposed you ARE infected!" just drive me insane. I know it's old like world but let me tell you my story.
I am 26 y.o. male. Was diagnosed with HSV2 two years ago absolutely randomly. Back then I was in the long term relationship which lasted for 3.5 years and ended only recently due to not herpes related matter. My ex's test also came positive. I had no idea where it came from as I did not cheat and I don't think she did either. Neither of us has ever had outbreaks.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Same good old story of every herpes diagnosis when there are no outbreaks involved. The fun starts once you, trying to be responsible and educated, you ask your doctor: "What do you mean I've been exposed? Am I infected? Do I actually have the virus in my body?". Doctor usually sighs and says something like: "Since you have never had an outbreak, we can't really tell if you have an active HSV2 virus. This test states that once upon a time your body encountered it and released antibodies. Whether they killed off the virus or not - test doesn't show it." Sometimes doctor can also add: "But you should CONSIDER yourself infected." If you really like to annoy your PCP - you may also ask if there is a treatment, what should you do now, is there a way to at least not be contagious. The response usually is: "There is no treatment, there is nothing you could do except to avoid sexual contacts during outbreaks should they occur, no - I don't think you need daily suppressive therapy." And off you go...
So here is the problem: the only thing I know is that I have antibodies for HSV2 virus. I have never had an outbreak so I don't even know where would it appear. I know that most likely it would be on my genitals, but still - it's something good to be certain about don't you think? Also I don't know if and how contagious I am. Some studies and bunch of bloggers suggest that yes, I am and very much so, however, there is no data on what would be the probability of me shading the virus asymptomatically and passing it to another person during sexual contact.
As far as available information is concern, I mainly see two things related to herpes: #1 - transmission studies done by pharma companies that give SOME interesting information on transmission rates with and without a drug, with and without use of condom, etc, and #2 - bunch of people posting how depressed they are about their newly discovered condition along with public health advocates who pretty much suggest that once you have herpes - you should forget about having normal social life and tell everyone in 5 miles radius that you have this "terrible and extremely contagious disease", in fact, if you purchase a gallon of gasoline, pour in all over yourself and drop a match - that would be even better, if you don't have matches - the are support groups online for people LIKE YOU.
And this is where I become very angry as things just don't add up. Look: there is a deadly disease HIV. We see lots of campaigns, walks and fundraisers going on to find cure or vaccine and help those who suffer. With herpes - besides yelling online and couple of civil lawsuits - nothing. Ok, screw propaganda, screw fundraisesrs and vaccine research - herpes isn't a deadly disease after all, but c'mon! at least we deserve to know if we are contagious or not. And I don't want some internet doctor to tell me that - I need a legitimate study with numbers - I love them numbers my friends! I need to know what is the probability for me in my particular condition to pass the virus to another person. Why? Well, because I am not willing to commit a social suicide to just be on a SAFE F&^%ING SIDE!!!
As every HSV victim I feel betrayed. And in my case not even by my former sexual partners - because even if that girl knew about IT and didn't tell me - I understand her. She didn't tell because she knew what perspective society has on this problem and didn't want to be judged. I, however, feel betrayed by the modern medicine and society in how they handle herpes as a public health issue. Everyone knows that if not majority, then at least A LOT of doctors don't order HSV tests even when they draw blood and when patients explicitly ask to be tested "for everything". I think it happened to me at least couple of times. Then, how would you explain the fact that we live in a society where 25% of adults HAVE IT, but there are so few legitimate transmission studies and even existing ones are done on a relatively small populations? 25% ladies and gentlemen! In a family of four - 1 can be infected!
There are several conclusions that I made from this and want to share with you my fellow HSV victims.

Conclusion#1: for majority of diagnosed people herpes doesn't cause a lot of inconvenience - few to no outbreaks. Medical data supports that - so it's not even a conclusion but rather a fact.
Conclusion#2: even though there are possible complications during pregnancy and increased risk of contracting HIV - besides infrequent(for majority) outbreaks - herpes, unlike other STDs, doesn't really cause any damage.
Conclusion#3: given how much effort (that being zero) is invested into raising public awareness about herpes and educating people about this disease and those who suffer from it - I see that society just doesn't give a shit.
Conclusion#4: and here I agree with previous posters - given the population of repressive drugs consumers, pharma companies could run a lot more elaborate studies on transmission rates, drugs side effects, etc - it's not being done - pharma companies are not interested in giving us more information - we know enough to be prescribed. Government is also standing aside...

Conclusion#5: summarizing all conclusions above: society does very little to prevent people from contracting HSV, yet once you have been unlucky enough to contract the virus - it (the society) expects you to completely change the way you handle your personal life. It expects you to be "honest" to everyone and fulfil your "ethical responsibility". Now it is somehow YOUR and MY duty to protect the society from this "terrible life crippling incurable infection"! And this is where I say "NO!".
Essentially my doctor doesn't even have enough information to answer my very simple questions, and, in a same time, I am expected to interpret this information in the most convenient way possible for society! Of course it is cheaper to tell 26 y.o. to essentially not have sex till the rest of his life, than conduct another study and answer his questions, or educate people about those among them who suffer from herpes.

So what do I do with my life? Well I certainly wont commit a social suicide. I am young and attractive, educated and successful. I am single now and yes sometimes I do have casual sexual encounters. However, I ALWAYS use condoms and I would never have sex during or shortly before or after an outbreak. And I already see bunch of bloggers and public health advocates, mentioned above, with torches surrounding my house :) Screw them. According to Vatrex transmission studies asymptomatic shedding occurs approximately 10 days per year. That is for those who has outbreaks. No data for people who don't - but the tendency usually is: the more outbreaks one has - the more shedding occurs. According to other studies, condoms offer some protection (about 50% as far as I remember). So now let's do the math:
P = 10 /365 = 0.02739726 = 2.739726% - the probability of asymptomatic shedding at any given day of the year.

Now let's say that you are a responsible individual and use condoms 100% of the time regardless of the day of year. I.e. correlation between event A - shedding a virus and event B - using condom is 0 (zero).

Therefore:
Ptr = P * Pc = 0.02739726 * 0.5 = 0.01369863 = 1.369863%
where Pc - probability that condom fails you (1-0.5=0.5)
P - the probability of asymptomatic shedding at any given day of the year.
Ptr - probability to give someone herpes when you are not experiencing an outbreak.

1.3% ladies and gentlemen!!! It's actually pretty close to the condoms as means of contraceptive failure rate! Would you rather get (someone) pregnant or contract herpes?

Also please note that I did not take into account the fact that herpes can be contracted only by remaining 75% of population as other 25% already have it. If that is taken into account then we end up with:
PtrReal = 0.01369863 * 0.75 = 0.010273973 = 1.0273973%

Also there is data, suggesting that individuals, that have one type of herpes are less likely to contract the other one. Given that 90% of people have at least one type of herpes it is valid to say the probability to have sex using condom with someone who doesn't have herpes and pass the virus to them is about 1%.

If anyone finds flaws in my logic and/or math - please respond - I am open for scientific discussion. If you wanna lecture me about my "ethical duty" - please don't.

Anyways, this number actually explains a lot. For example it kind of justifies the lack of efforts coming from the society to deal with the problem. It also explains why there are only 25% of people infected .

So here is my main conclusion:
Yes herpes is a pretty nasty thing, but it's not deadly. Furthermore it's implications on our social life are a lot more severe than on our actual health - it's all about societal acceptance - people with oral herpes don't get as discriminated against as ones with genital, I would be HAPPY if my first outbreak was on my face rather than my penis, even though being on my face it could also be on my eye - and that would really suck. Also, according to the modern medicine - majority of people don't even notice herpes. Those who do - don't suffer from it too often. So overall - it's all about our attitude to the problem rather than the problem itself. Then, as it was shown above, chances to pass herpes if you are a responsible human being are very low. So in my particular situation I have an inconclusive test result that doesn't objectively tell if I have herpes or not, and even if I do - chances of me giving it to someone else are very low, and even if I do give it to someone - chances are it will never be noticed, and if it will - it will most likely not cause too much of an actual pain.
Now 1 million dollars question: to tell or not to tell? And my answer is: yes, but only if and only if you care a lot about this person and you are positive he/she will not ruin your life using this information. If it's a one night stand - no - just use a condom. If it's "friend with benefits" whom you visit only to have sex and you have several of those - no - just use a condom. Should you stop going out and meeting new people - no - go out! If you meet someone you'd like to start a relationship with, but not sure about whether or not to tell - get on suppressive drugs - that will virtually cut shedding and then you could just suggest to get tested and, if partner turns out to be positive, plead not guilty. I know it's a lie and I personally would rather not do this and if I know that this person wont ruin my social life - I wont. But, in this day and age it is ewwwy to have herpes down there and people also talk - so we have to compromise. Also, while we sit here and talk - most of the people who been diagnosed and have little to no symptoms just ignore the situation all together. Only concerned minority comes to message boards - but the majority is pretty good at sticking the head in a sand at moving on. I am 26 y.o. and I had about 20 sexual partners by now - NO ONE has ever informed me about ANY history of STDs - yet I somehow contracted herpes.
Please don't get me wrong - I am not promoting harming innocent people. I am rather trying to show that it is unfair to put all responsibility for controlling herpes on the shoulders of those who are infected - we already deal with enough. Yes we should be careful and refrain from sex during periods of outbreak, yes we ABSOLUTELY MUST use condoms, and it could also be a good idea to get onto suppressive drugs (if your doctor approves of that), but crippling your social life - absolutely not! It is not a deadly disease - it's just a cold sore that happened to be in a wrong place.

I am HSV2 positive with no outbreaks and this is my manifesto.