Roman General's blog
I kept thinking of killing myself for 15 years or so, driving off the road, instigating fights, fingering my gun and imaging the relief I would feel if I just pulled the trigger. I could not do it myself, so I sought out people and situations that endangered my existence. How do I kill myself without me doing it?
I am not as perfect as I seem to be, thats the persona that I project. Its a defense mechanism that began in my childhood that is deeply ingrained. I can withdrawal emotionally very easily, I fight to be who I want to be and who I used to be on a day to day basis.
In response to the trauma of combat, the person needs to make a mental detachment to do what needs to be done. I remember in the Gulf War when that cognitive fracture, or dissociative reorganization happened for me.
Imagine having that scared feeling you get without the fear while keeping the bodily reactions; the tenseness, the adrenalin rush, the mind racing, heightened senses, and the hyper response reflex to react without thinking.
Returning Combat Veterans have a difficult time reintegrating back into society and family life. The scope of this paper explains these issues as they relate to the hindrance of Veterans from attaining a meaningful and productive life.